Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
