i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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