My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
