I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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