hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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