I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
