Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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