I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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