I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
