i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
