tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
