she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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