so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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