True but thats because hes a fetus.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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