By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
