I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
