so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
