After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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