his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
