ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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