i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
