was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
