we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
