sarcasm needs its own font
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
