Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
