he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
