no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
