it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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