it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
