11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
