I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
