she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He passed out mid-signature
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
