i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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