OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The power of my boobs compel you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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