So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
