If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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