Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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