so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize