k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
