Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
