If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
