It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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