Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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