Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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