I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
