i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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