I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
