some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
