I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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