sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
