They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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