Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
