talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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