Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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