Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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