I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
