my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
