Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
