So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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