there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
