I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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