i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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