when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize