i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
