Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
