**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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