I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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