So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
