it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
