I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
