the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
