you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
