So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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