So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
